Living For Jesus

God's Provision

When the ground falls out from underneath you, it is then you truly discover that God's promises to provide are never failing. In October 2002 my husband lost his job. It was unexpected and devastating. In one day our first trip home to see family in two years, the ability to grab a quick fast food meal for the family or buy a new pair of basketball shoes for our son, and the sure knowledge of how we were going to pay the rent on our apartment were all gone.

The first time I saw the Grand Canyon, we drove out of the trees and suddenly it was there spread before us, a view that picture postcards do nothing to duplicate. I've got a definite fear of heights, and the Grand Canyon set off all my alarm buzzers. When my husband lost his job, it was like the Grand Canyon had opened before us. I was staggered. It would be eight months before he found employment. For the first three months, our church paid our apartment rent. We had some savings and my husband's military pension kept our other bills paid. The Grand Canyon was still there, but it didn't feel like we were right on the edge. "God is taking care of us," I told myself. I was claiming Isaiah 41:10, "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Life was still okay There was a little space, a little room before that big plunge down into something unthinkable.

But after three months the church's finances didn't allow them to continue to support us in this fashion. All that peace and calm flew out the window. We have a tendency today to mock the children of Israel for all the times they doubted in the desert. I can't pretend to be any different from them. I repeatedly panicked inside before remembering to turn to the Lord. At the time, it felt like we were constantly drawing closer and closer to that giant precipice, but the Lord was merely changing his means of provision. Throughout the eight months we were always able to pay our apartment rent, we always had food on the table, our daughter got a complete new wardrobe (she kept right on growing), my kids still had their piano lessons, we had two tires replaced on our car, traded one car that required warming up for 15 minutes for the transmission to work for a car that ran, and saw a business we had started with another couple take off and blossom with only an $800 boost from the other couple. I could go on because there is a lot more, but you're probably wondering why, with God doing all these wonderful things, I could have ever doubted that He would provide.

God didn't tell me He was going to have friends give us two new tires. I never knew when someone might arrive at my door with sacks and boxes of groceries. It was as if God knew how dense I am and needed to show me that He could take care of me and my family all by Himself. Imagine that.

I know that God's provision is sure. I actually knew that before my husband lost his job. And I can't say that I know it any better now than I did then. What I did learn, is that as much as I can trust Him, I need to beware of my own tendency to let my faith slip. You see I was never actually standing on the precipice of a Grand Canyon. That was all a figment of my imagination. It wasn't really there. All those alarm buzzers ringing in my head were really caused by my lack of faith--faith that can't just be head knowledge, but has to be heart knowledge. I'm working hard to recognize that Grand Canyon when it makes its next appearance in my life and cut off that imaginary vision ofdanger immediately. Of course, I hope that I've finally conquered and won't ever have to experience that lack of faith in God's provision again in my life. But my prayer is "Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!" After all, Jesus said, "If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes." Mark 9:23-24.

Copyright ©  2003 Beverly S. Krueger